EYELINER: BEFORE AND AFTER

Eyeliner_SS.jpg
Eyeliner_SS.jpg

EYELINER: BEFORE AND AFTER

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#00467/Greeting Card (6.25" x 4.5") - Blank

I have this eye problem which opthamology has obligingly validated by naming it "Dry Eye Syndrome."  It's really common, especially for old menopausal broads with ruddy complexions. That would be me.  Basically, it's just what it sounds like.  The eye doctor tests for it by sticking little felt strips under your eyelids.  This makes you tear up, but apparently, tears are like medicine:  there's the 2% of the pill that has the medicine in it and the 98% that's inert crap.  Well, it's that 2% part of your tears that actually keeps your eyes lubricated -- some sort of magical secret squirrel tear oil stuff.  The rest of your tears are just useless water crap…

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So, while I cry at the drop of a hat and my eyes tear tear up a lot, those tears aren't actually doing anything helpful except getting my stupid face wet.  Anyway, my test showed that my "good" tear production is 14% of normal.  And here's something you might not know:   eye drops?  Useless.  They feel good for a few seconds, but my eye doctor said that a lot of them -- especially the ones that say they cure redness -- actually make your eyes drier!   For some lame-ass reason, the medical world hasn't been able to replicate the greasy goodness of that oil stuff.  Why am I telling you this?  Because I can't wear eyeliner anymore.  The end.